In a move that restores all hope to Chicago Cubs fans, GM Jim Hendry found someone dumber than himself and made a trade.

The Cubs dealt Aaron “The Gas Can” Heilman to the Arizona Diamondbacks on Thursday for minor leaguers Ryne White and Scott…who cares. Heilman’s gone, people! Party!

In a related story, the bag of balls that had been rumored to be dealt to Chicago for Heilman is relieved to be staying in Arizona for the winter.

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